All day, I have had no concept or understanding of the time. 720pm. 1010pm. Even right now, going on 130am ... none of it means anything. It's as if a time bubble has descended upon the house, and those of us in it.
Bug and I had our Saturday morning bagel time. She ran errands. E worked and came home. Rather than paraphrasing myself, I once again direct you to my other blog, as I attempt to explain what happened next ...
Since I wrote that, E slept as well and woke up, and we three ate and were gentle and quiet with each other. There was a fair amount of vulnerability & between-the-world-ness all 'round.
I've listened to Stravinsky and watched more ballet videos. I downloaded a bunch of Marvel comics for Bug. I've placed myself back firmly in the graces of the Nocturnal world, where things make more sense to me.
Words aren't quite capturing this one, gang. Just know that I am resting and happy, and full of gratitude for this space and my loved ones. Dear Lady, please help this state of being endure for a little while.
Good night.
June 30, 2013
June 29, 2013
Outer Work Requires Support ...
Today started so well, full of poetic musings on my other blog. I got my nails done. I read. I enjoyed my solitude. Then the evening's kirtan rolled around, and it had an eerie similarity to the recent problems I've ben having with my shamanic events.
Another drummer has insinuated himself into the local new age community, clearly after my job, and though BA continues to be committed to our partnership, this new drummer's presence has really muddied the water at one of the freelance gigs I do every month.
I am professional. I work very hard to perform at the highest level, to provide a unique and powerful experience for the audience. I am not used to having to share the stage with amateurs, which this man is. Kumbaya (my short hand for "everyone gets a chance") is just not in my DNA.
So I spent the first half hour sitting in the back of the room, bored, while this person provided nothing to warrant his presence. BA and I then played the second half of the evening, and order was restored, but only playing three songs was not nearly as satisfying, as you might imagine.
Once again, I am presented with a situation where I either have to remove the obstacle (like in shamanism) or remove myself (much more likely, in this instance). If there's a recurring lesson here, it seems to be this : outer work requires support, otherwise I can't (and won't) do it.
Summer is a good time for me to go inwards, write, and protect myself anyway ...
Another drummer has insinuated himself into the local new age community, clearly after my job, and though BA continues to be committed to our partnership, this new drummer's presence has really muddied the water at one of the freelance gigs I do every month.
I am professional. I work very hard to perform at the highest level, to provide a unique and powerful experience for the audience. I am not used to having to share the stage with amateurs, which this man is. Kumbaya (my short hand for "everyone gets a chance") is just not in my DNA.
So I spent the first half hour sitting in the back of the room, bored, while this person provided nothing to warrant his presence. BA and I then played the second half of the evening, and order was restored, but only playing three songs was not nearly as satisfying, as you might imagine.
Once again, I am presented with a situation where I either have to remove the obstacle (like in shamanism) or remove myself (much more likely, in this instance). If there's a recurring lesson here, it seems to be this : outer work requires support, otherwise I can't (and won't) do it.
Summer is a good time for me to go inwards, write, and protect myself anyway ...
June 28, 2013
A Long, Stimuli Filled Day ...
Texting in the quiet hours
a bit like 21st century whispering
Is she back in my life
or isn't she
Once again I am adored, it seems
but do I dare trust it, allow it
I am a fool
Words by TLQ - 06.28.13 / 203am
This isn't the first time The Muse and I have had contact recently. There have been a few exchanges in the last few weeks, but nothing I was prepared to write about, or admit. This one, over the last hour in the sacred quiet of The Womb, felt different. It felt like we used to feel, before this last six weeks or so, when we lost the narrative. Does it mean anything? Are we actually going to start seeing each other again? I have no idea. She says yes. I say hmmmmm. More to follow, I'm sure ...
This is a not terribly surprising end to a long, stimuli filled day. It started with great disappointment, as my meeting to discuss the future of my shamanic program was canceled yet again, the second time in three days. It continued with a meeting with Jason, returning to the place we first met four years ago, where I experienced so many highs and lows in the early years of my transition. And it wrapped up around The Table, as the mighty PBT gathered for its monthly circling of the wagons.
Each of these things could get their own paragraph, their own entry if I was of a mind to. But I am tired, and a bit raw emotionally, so I think it best if I stop here and get some sleep.
a bit like 21st century whispering
Is she back in my life
or isn't she
Once again I am adored, it seems
but do I dare trust it, allow it
I am a fool
Words by TLQ - 06.28.13 / 203am
This isn't the first time The Muse and I have had contact recently. There have been a few exchanges in the last few weeks, but nothing I was prepared to write about, or admit. This one, over the last hour in the sacred quiet of The Womb, felt different. It felt like we used to feel, before this last six weeks or so, when we lost the narrative. Does it mean anything? Are we actually going to start seeing each other again? I have no idea. She says yes. I say hmmmmm. More to follow, I'm sure ...
This is a not terribly surprising end to a long, stimuli filled day. It started with great disappointment, as my meeting to discuss the future of my shamanic program was canceled yet again, the second time in three days. It continued with a meeting with Jason, returning to the place we first met four years ago, where I experienced so many highs and lows in the early years of my transition. And it wrapped up around The Table, as the mighty PBT gathered for its monthly circling of the wagons.
Each of these things could get their own paragraph, their own entry if I was of a mind to. But I am tired, and a bit raw emotionally, so I think it best if I stop here and get some sleep.
June 27, 2013
Walking Through History ...
As I was sitting at breakfast out on Route 17 this morning, following HuffPostLive as the Supreme Court rulings were coming down, it never occurred to me that by evening I would brush up against a moment in history. But my life is like that sometimes.
We returned to Bear Mountain for a second straight day, hoping to catch lightning in a bottle. It was cloudier and much more humid, so this proved a fool's errand. Even so, there were a few magic moments amidst the need to recalibrate.
After stopping at Chili's for lunch (yes, again) we went home for a bit, which proved to be a colossal mistake. The sturm und drang returned with a vengeance, and we nearly lost our way, on a macro scale. But we kept going, and didn't give up, and decided to try moving the molecules.
The City felt like the place to go, as it often does, so we parked the car on our secret street and started walking around our neighborhood. Washington Square was buzzing and marvelous as always. We gave a dollar to a mad bagpiper, while reading street art clearly meant for The Doctor ...
There was a genuine happiness in the air in The Village. So many people in the streets, greeting each other happily. It was clear that there was no where else to be on such a powerful day. As luck would have it, when we decided not to walk up 5th and instead chose to walk across Waverly, we found ourselves in front of the Stonewall Inn, which needs no introduction today ...
There were hundreds of people milling about, hugging and crying and taking pictures and embracing and just being happy. It was hot and humid and no one seemed to care. Everyone just seemed aware of how important today's rulings were, even though there is still a long way to go. It was amazing to be there, on that street, nearly 44 years to the day the gay rights movement began. I don't know if I've ever been more proud of the choices I've made.
The ride home had a dip in energy yet again, and we have clearly as much work to do as the movement does as a whole, but for a few hours here and a few hours there, today was as restful and inspired and perfect a Wednesday as one could ask for.
Onward, then. Good night.
We returned to Bear Mountain for a second straight day, hoping to catch lightning in a bottle. It was cloudier and much more humid, so this proved a fool's errand. Even so, there were a few magic moments amidst the need to recalibrate.
After stopping at Chili's for lunch (yes, again) we went home for a bit, which proved to be a colossal mistake. The sturm und drang returned with a vengeance, and we nearly lost our way, on a macro scale. But we kept going, and didn't give up, and decided to try moving the molecules.
The City felt like the place to go, as it often does, so we parked the car on our secret street and started walking around our neighborhood. Washington Square was buzzing and marvelous as always. We gave a dollar to a mad bagpiper, while reading street art clearly meant for The Doctor ...
There was a genuine happiness in the air in The Village. So many people in the streets, greeting each other happily. It was clear that there was no where else to be on such a powerful day. As luck would have it, when we decided not to walk up 5th and instead chose to walk across Waverly, we found ourselves in front of the Stonewall Inn, which needs no introduction today ...
There were hundreds of people milling about, hugging and crying and taking pictures and embracing and just being happy. It was hot and humid and no one seemed to care. Everyone just seemed aware of how important today's rulings were, even though there is still a long way to go. It was amazing to be there, on that street, nearly 44 years to the day the gay rights movement began. I don't know if I've ever been more proud of the choices I've made.
The ride home had a dip in energy yet again, and we have clearly as much work to do as the movement does as a whole, but for a few hours here and a few hours there, today was as restful and inspired and perfect a Wednesday as one could ask for.
Onward, then. Good night.
June 26, 2013
A Tuesday That Felt Like A Wednesday ...
We really only meant to go around the corner to the A&P for a few groceries. Yet somehow that turned into grabbing bagels to go and wandering out to Seven Lakes / Bear Mountain. I was still in my pajamas. It was near 90 degrees. But somehow it didn't matter. It was quiet and Arcadian and the birds were singing and it was as perfect as it could have possibly been.
I found a rehearsal spot for BA & I for next week, when she is going to need some extra attention. (More when it happens.) She even called me while I was standing where the pics above were taken, to tell me about another possible NYC performance opportunity for us. Things are happening, even on days like this.
It was unfortunate we had to go home, but E had to work, so we went home, and though I did get some good and productive things done, the heart of the day was that four hours, 10-2, where everything was green and silent and right. But what a gift ...
I found a rehearsal spot for BA & I for next week, when she is going to need some extra attention. (More when it happens.) She even called me while I was standing where the pics above were taken, to tell me about another possible NYC performance opportunity for us. Things are happening, even on days like this.
It was unfortunate we had to go home, but E had to work, so we went home, and though I did get some good and productive things done, the heart of the day was that four hours, 10-2, where everything was green and silent and right. But what a gift ...
June 25, 2013
My "Day Off" ...
I am nodding off, already half dreaming of my ballet crush, Yekaterina Kondaurova, after just sitting for about an hour and watching Mariinsky videos on You Tube. Sweet christ ... she is gorgeous!
Today was ostensibly my "day off." Yet I managed to spend a decent part of the day writing letters to possible kirtan venues. I am in full swing booking for the Autumn, after convincing BA to spend the rest of the summer doing more recording and getting our business infrastructure in order. (That being said, we'll still be playing 3-4 gigs each month.)
When I wasn't doing all that, I read some Zen books. I studied The Tablet. I did manage to nap for a bit in the afternoon. So I guess it was a bit of a day off ...
And now, Yekaterina is waiting for me in Morpheus' land.
And now, I bid you adieu.
Today was ostensibly my "day off." Yet I managed to spend a decent part of the day writing letters to possible kirtan venues. I am in full swing booking for the Autumn, after convincing BA to spend the rest of the summer doing more recording and getting our business infrastructure in order. (That being said, we'll still be playing 3-4 gigs each month.)
When I wasn't doing all that, I read some Zen books. I studied The Tablet. I did manage to nap for a bit in the afternoon. So I guess it was a bit of a day off ...
And now, Yekaterina is waiting for me in Morpheus' land.
And now, I bid you adieu.
June 24, 2013
Return of the Fire Ceremony ...
After a quiet morning in The Womb, getting swept away by the myth of Selene & Endymion, E & J & I went out for a rare family breakfast, surrounded by Muggles at the golden arches. The bottom then proceeded to drop out of the day for about six hours.
I did NOT want to run this Fire tonight. Maybe more accurately, I did NOT want to work with my co-workers. There is a story to tell, and I will tell it sooner than later, but not today. Nevertheless, it is well know how I react when I am obligated to do something I don't want to do ...
Funnily enough, it was E who seemed better able to deal with my darkness, as opposed to J, and the whole thing just lead to yet another stressful, unfocused afternoon. I was so uninspired that I didn't even bring my rig / computers / anything. Just a couple of drums to pound the shit out of.
Bug and I got there around 6. E decided, wisely, to stay home, so BA came and worked the desk for me. We set the room up, made small talk with B & K when they arrived, and welcomed the light summer attendance into the room around 715.
I then proceeded to perform one of my best circles. 'Cause that's how I roll.
I danced with them, I called the quarters, in Kate's absence, as if I had been born for it. I wielded near total control of the ceremony, drummed my ass off, and took them deep into the unknown. By the time I closed with the old Sufi saying, "Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?", I had made my statement abundantly clear.
This program is mine.
One year since Jason gave it to me, since I was surrounded by my loved ones on that magickal night. So much has changed. People have come and gone from my life. I've quit this work in my heart several times, yet somehow managed lead 12 consecutive ceremonies. And like I said, this was one of my best.
So what does it all mean?
I will meet with management at the 'Seed sometime this week, to determine once and for all if there is a future for this work, if indeed there will always be a Baggins under the hill at Bag End. Once I have that clarity, one way or the other, things will change drastically.
Until then, my shoulder and my wrist and my hands are all screaming at me to stop typing. And so I shall. But not before I remind you to never underestimate a Trickster. Never.
Good night.
I did NOT want to run this Fire tonight. Maybe more accurately, I did NOT want to work with my co-workers. There is a story to tell, and I will tell it sooner than later, but not today. Nevertheless, it is well know how I react when I am obligated to do something I don't want to do ...
Funnily enough, it was E who seemed better able to deal with my darkness, as opposed to J, and the whole thing just lead to yet another stressful, unfocused afternoon. I was so uninspired that I didn't even bring my rig / computers / anything. Just a couple of drums to pound the shit out of.
Bug and I got there around 6. E decided, wisely, to stay home, so BA came and worked the desk for me. We set the room up, made small talk with B & K when they arrived, and welcomed the light summer attendance into the room around 715.
I then proceeded to perform one of my best circles. 'Cause that's how I roll.
I danced with them, I called the quarters, in Kate's absence, as if I had been born for it. I wielded near total control of the ceremony, drummed my ass off, and took them deep into the unknown. By the time I closed with the old Sufi saying, "Is it true, is it necessary, is it kind?", I had made my statement abundantly clear.
This program is mine.
One year since Jason gave it to me, since I was surrounded by my loved ones on that magickal night. So much has changed. People have come and gone from my life. I've quit this work in my heart several times, yet somehow managed lead 12 consecutive ceremonies. And like I said, this was one of my best.
So what does it all mean?
I will meet with management at the 'Seed sometime this week, to determine once and for all if there is a future for this work, if indeed there will always be a Baggins under the hill at Bag End. Once I have that clarity, one way or the other, things will change drastically.
Until then, my shoulder and my wrist and my hands are all screaming at me to stop typing. And so I shall. But not before I remind you to never underestimate a Trickster. Never.
Good night.
June 23, 2013
The Moon Has Good PR ...
That can be the only explanation for this "supermoon" foolishness. How many times am I going to fall for this? I hear "supermoon" and I expect something that's going to fill up the sky and take my breath away. Instead I get a celestial body that is maybe ten percent larger than normal, and just as far away as ever. Feh. At least it got me to move my molecules for a bit, to put on some pants and drive up Ringwood Mountain to get some ice cream. Because today was once again sub par. Bug had to work (yes, on a Saturday) thereby canceling our traditional Saturday morning Bug & Bear Bagel Time. It was another of those days, as many have been of late, where I didn't want to be alone, so I just sort of fuzzed out for the rest of the day. It was nice, around midnight, when BA called, totally buzzed from the kirtan she attended in NYC. It looks like we may have an opportunity to play there sooner than I thought we would. Stay tuned ...
Alright. Tired. Tomorrow has a large outlay of energy pending. To rest, then.
Alright. Tired. Tomorrow has a large outlay of energy pending. To rest, then.
June 22, 2013
They Say It's The Solstice ...
... And I suppose I should care, but though the wheel has indeed turned yet again, my beloved Winter feels so very far away. It's hard to get excited, knowing the annual heat driven malaise will get much worse before it gets better.
Today was fine. 40% better than yesterday. I started the day with a few hours at the salon, getting my hair gingered for the summer. It's always good to see Faith, Ali and the rest of the gals.
It was a bit of a shame, though, to look so put together and feel so good about myself, only to have several plans fall through at the last minute. No gig. No time in the city. Not even a meeting to determine the future of my shamanic work.
So I went home for the afternoon, all dressed up and nowhere to go, and picked E up at 6. Though our pitta / kapha differences continued to plague us, we eventually found some peace walking several miles along the river in Nyack.
Dinner at Chili's (our new thing) ended the evening on a better note, and we came home with french fries for Bug and watched the Doctor. Now I'm back up here, getting sleepy, waiting with baited breath for Winter. Or at least Autumn. Sigh.
Today was fine. 40% better than yesterday. I started the day with a few hours at the salon, getting my hair gingered for the summer. It's always good to see Faith, Ali and the rest of the gals.
It was a bit of a shame, though, to look so put together and feel so good about myself, only to have several plans fall through at the last minute. No gig. No time in the city. Not even a meeting to determine the future of my shamanic work.
So I went home for the afternoon, all dressed up and nowhere to go, and picked E up at 6. Though our pitta / kapha differences continued to plague us, we eventually found some peace walking several miles along the river in Nyack.
Dinner at Chili's (our new thing) ended the evening on a better note, and we came home with french fries for Bug and watched the Doctor. Now I'm back up here, getting sleepy, waiting with baited breath for Winter. Or at least Autumn. Sigh.
June 21, 2013
A Fast Moving Storm of Pitta / Kapha Differences ...
Today started out so promising. Three hours of quiet exploration, of actually being oddly comfortable in my own skin, remembering how deep and long of a story my curiosity about the Eastern mysteries is, and how they relate to my study of the Tablet & the Stone.
Then, as quickly as the uncertainty and vulnerability of the last three days had dissipated, it returned with a vengeance, in a fast moving storm of pitta / kapha differences. The acuteness of it was over in a few hours, but really, the tendrils lasted the rest of the day.
I want to be different for the people I love, gentler & easier to be around. At least I think I do. But is that just fear talking? I honor my instincts. I have to. But then it upsets people. And without a Muse to understand these things intuitively, these are the loneliest days.
A bit of reading, and then to the couch. I'll have to try again tomorrow.
Then, as quickly as the uncertainty and vulnerability of the last three days had dissipated, it returned with a vengeance, in a fast moving storm of pitta / kapha differences. The acuteness of it was over in a few hours, but really, the tendrils lasted the rest of the day.
I want to be different for the people I love, gentler & easier to be around. At least I think I do. But is that just fear talking? I honor my instincts. I have to. But then it upsets people. And without a Muse to understand these things intuitively, these are the loneliest days.
A bit of reading, and then to the couch. I'll have to try again tomorrow.
June 20, 2013
Sequestered In Beauty, Indeed ...
And now for more rest.
June 19, 2013
Still Compromised ...
Still electrically (and emotionally) compromised from yesterday's zap zap, I didn't do much today, except for when I did too much. That was mostly in the beginning, where we went out to B&N for everyone's copies of The Ocean At The End Of The Lane, followed by a stop at the Apple store for E's new MacBookPro for college.
I spent most of the afternoon breaking it in, at her request; downloading apps, backing up her phone (finally), giving her some music, and just doing some homey things to help her get more comfortable in the new environment. I enjoy doing this kind of work, but I was tired and wired and frazzled and small all at the same time, so I maybe didn't enjoy it as much as I normally would.
Bug came home for a few hours, amidst a busy day, and kept me company, which made me happy. Then she went back out for a new rattle, and I was left alone again 'til almost 11pm. So funny ... some days I need these rooms to be still and silent and empty. Some days, I cannot bear when they are so. Such is life, for everyone, I imagine.
Tomorrow is Wednesday. May I have the clarity to sequester myself in beauty.
I spent most of the afternoon breaking it in, at her request; downloading apps, backing up her phone (finally), giving her some music, and just doing some homey things to help her get more comfortable in the new environment. I enjoy doing this kind of work, but I was tired and wired and frazzled and small all at the same time, so I maybe didn't enjoy it as much as I normally would.
Bug came home for a few hours, amidst a busy day, and kept me company, which made me happy. Then she went back out for a new rattle, and I was left alone again 'til almost 11pm. So funny ... some days I need these rooms to be still and silent and empty. Some days, I cannot bear when they are so. Such is life, for everyone, I imagine.
Tomorrow is Wednesday. May I have the clarity to sequester myself in beauty.
June 18, 2013
Oops, I Did It Again ...
*Cue Britney Spears*
Laying in bed with my iPad, ten to four in the morning, wide fucking awake, I realized that once again another nine days has passed. Living and dying we feed the fire, as Mr. Barker once said.
Today was busy, as they all are, after a fashion. The morning brought yet another macro revelation about the secondary world of my poetry. The early afternoon brought a very important and powerful meeting about the future of my shamanic work. The evening brought dizziness & a fried electrical system after a particularly tough laser session. OUCH!
With @neilhimself's Ocean At The End Of The Lane coming out tomorrow, I decided to re-read the first story of his I ever read, 20 years ago, Ramadan, from Sandman #50, which played right into my recent growing fascination with the Arabian Nights. What a phenomenal story. What a phenomenal teller. God, I can't wait 'til tomorrow.
Maybe I should try sleeping, then, to help it get here. Sheeeeesh.
June 17, 2013
Yet Another Hallmark Holiday ...
I spent the afternoon with BA, who recently has taken on the job of my babysitter on Hallmark holidays. We talked and ate and played some music. When Bug came to pick me up, she had a powerful Reiki / Spring Farm moment with BA's ailing old dog Hunter, which lead to some crying and clarity for my dear kirtan partner.
The only thing worth mentioning about the rest of the day is finally picking up the new Daft Punk record before going to BA's, and listening to it on the reference monitors when I got home. Sooooo many new sonic nooks and crannies that were just not audible when I had listened to it streaming online. Phoooey on you, MP3s!
No more orphan holidays for awhile. Mercy.
Good night.
The only thing worth mentioning about the rest of the day is finally picking up the new Daft Punk record before going to BA's, and listening to it on the reference monitors when I got home. Sooooo many new sonic nooks and crannies that were just not audible when I had listened to it streaming online. Phoooey on you, MP3s!
No more orphan holidays for awhile. Mercy.
Good night.
June 16, 2013
A Big Start, With No Follow Through ...
Today started out with such promise.
Bug & I had our usual Saturday morning connection. We talked about short stories, about why no one reads them, about how potent they are, and how I’d like my narrative / prose poems to go in that direction, especially the three fables rolling around in my head, which may or may not be as profusely illustrated as I thought.
As I said on Twitter, “A day of epiphany, but not very good follow through. Sometimes too much rest, while necessary, is not the best fuel for inspiration.”
Indeed.
Bug & I had our usual Saturday morning connection. We talked about short stories, about why no one reads them, about how potent they are, and how I’d like my narrative / prose poems to go in that direction, especially the three fables rolling around in my head, which may or may not be as profusely illustrated as I thought.
It's a bummer that the rest of the day didn’t live up to that morning inspiration.
As I said on Twitter, “A day of epiphany, but not very good follow through. Sometimes too much rest, while necessary, is not the best fuel for inspiration.”
Indeed.
June 15, 2013
Extra Uber Orthodox ...
Tonight's gig should have been great. It was supposed to be a freelance gig, but turned into a gig with BA when the usual singer / harmonium player got sick and asked her to fill in. And it would have been great. Big crowd. Friday night. Etc etc etc.
But the new drummer in town, who clearly wants my job, sat right in the front and made a spectacle of himself, and BA was extra uber orthodox between songs, and the whole thing just had me questioning my place in this particular community / flavor of music.
Mercifully, I had a lovely connection afterwards with the sweet little family who come to many of our gigs, reminding me that there are least a few decent people out there, who are not sanctimonious and holier than thou. But when that discussion ended, I turned BA down for dinner, and just came home.
Feh.
But the new drummer in town, who clearly wants my job, sat right in the front and made a spectacle of himself, and BA was extra uber orthodox between songs, and the whole thing just had me questioning my place in this particular community / flavor of music.
Mercifully, I had a lovely connection afterwards with the sweet little family who come to many of our gigs, reminding me that there are least a few decent people out there, who are not sanctimonious and holier than thou. But when that discussion ended, I turned BA down for dinner, and just came home.
Feh.
June 14, 2013
Very Little Story On A Thursday ...
Waking up at 5am and rolling around 'til 9am, hoping to fall back to sleep, is foolish. It invites neuroses. Don't do it!
It took me all morning and into the afternoon to find my center, and then on the drive to Jason's for our session, I get a call from management at The 'Seed. Even though I didn't take the call (I was actually driving through a thunderstorm) my hard fought center deserted me utterly.
My session with Jason was fine, once I recovered, and we talked about his book release, which is so lovely for him, and made plans to go see the Mariinsky Orchestra (alas, without the dancers) when Gergiev brings the company to Carnegie Hall in October for an all Stravinsky program.
I've been back home since 6ish, and we ate and watched The Doctor and there is no story there.
Good night.
It took me all morning and into the afternoon to find my center, and then on the drive to Jason's for our session, I get a call from management at The 'Seed. Even though I didn't take the call (I was actually driving through a thunderstorm) my hard fought center deserted me utterly.
My session with Jason was fine, once I recovered, and we talked about his book release, which is so lovely for him, and made plans to go see the Mariinsky Orchestra (alas, without the dancers) when Gergiev brings the company to Carnegie Hall in October for an all Stravinsky program.
I've been back home since 6ish, and we ate and watched The Doctor and there is no story there.
Good night.
June 13, 2013
Winding Along Lazily, Forever & A Day ...
After a tasty breakfast at iHop, E and I set off for one of our longer drives, out Route 80, up and over the river and the mountains, winding along lazily, forever and a day, along the aptly named Delaware Scenic Drive, before arriving mid afternoon in the old Bucks County homestead.
We stopped briefly in New Hope, trespassed on the abandoned property of our old house in Yardley, drove across the teeny tiny Washington Crossing bridge, and walked further than we'd planned along the river and canal in Titusville, the town that time forgot. Go ahead, have a look ...
I had another moment of longing / melancholy for The Muse in Titusville. Remember, I did this exact same adventure about six weeks ago, and had a lovely talk on the phone with her while sitting atop the Friendly Love Wall. Christ, so much in my life changes in a six week period ...
We were going to eat at the Landing back in New Hope, but the patio was far too crowded, so we headed home early, stopping instead at the Chili's in Flemingtom. Om nom!
After those last four days up here, such an adult portion of adventuring has me pretty beat. To bed, then. Good night.
We stopped briefly in New Hope, trespassed on the abandoned property of our old house in Yardley, drove across the teeny tiny Washington Crossing bridge, and walked further than we'd planned along the river and canal in Titusville, the town that time forgot. Go ahead, have a look ...
I had another moment of longing / melancholy for The Muse in Titusville. Remember, I did this exact same adventure about six weeks ago, and had a lovely talk on the phone with her while sitting atop the Friendly Love Wall. Christ, so much in my life changes in a six week period ...
We were going to eat at the Landing back in New Hope, but the patio was far too crowded, so we headed home early, stopping instead at the Chili's in Flemingtom. Om nom!
After those last four days up here, such an adult portion of adventuring has me pretty beat. To bed, then. Good night.
June 12, 2013
Flame Shift #73 ...
Or, Quiet Womb Time (Day 4 of 4) ...
Returning to active duty on Flame Shift #73, I began the day quite vividly, waking up from this dream. It has quite the shamanic ring to it, doesn't it?
The whole day, the whole Shift, remained quiet and peaceful & centered, one of the best Shifts I've had in awhile. Reading. Studying. Being utterly present in the silence.
Maybe it's the end result of these last four days, so intentional and inner as they were. Maybe I need to learn from this and orient my life more towards this way of living and being.
Much to think about. All of it suffused with gratitude.
Returning to active duty on Flame Shift #73, I began the day quite vividly, waking up from this dream. It has quite the shamanic ring to it, doesn't it?
The whole day, the whole Shift, remained quiet and peaceful & centered, one of the best Shifts I've had in awhile. Reading. Studying. Being utterly present in the silence.
Maybe it's the end result of these last four days, so intentional and inner as they were. Maybe I need to learn from this and orient my life more towards this way of living and being.
Much to think about. All of it suffused with gratitude.
June 11, 2013
Quiet Womb Time (Day 3 of 4) ...
I've been on Flame Shift #73 for about four hours. Four very productive, inspired hours, studying and reading and drinking in Her presence. I am getting blinky, and She is letting me bed down a little early.
What a joy, this third straight day in The Womb was. We didn't even go out for a ride this time. Just a day or cleaning the space, of centering myself, of stillness & preparation for doing this work.
I'm sorry that doesn't make for great copy. But really, it was a lovely, lovely day.
What a joy, this third straight day in The Womb was. We didn't even go out for a ride this time. Just a day or cleaning the space, of centering myself, of stillness & preparation for doing this work.
I'm sorry that doesn't make for great copy. But really, it was a lovely, lovely day.
June 10, 2013
Quiet Womb Time (Day 2 of 4) ...
It's one in the morning, and I am sitting on the floor with my Telecaster in my lap. Though I am not a guitarist, I can play a blues progression with my thumb once or twice a year, which I find oddly soothing in a mantric sort of way. The fact that I own this instrument is Jeff Buckley's fault. The fact that I played it tonight is Robbie Robertson's fault.
At the apex of what was a quiet, uneventful day in The Womb, E and I went out for a wander, a bit farther afield this time, through the towns of Piermont & Grandview On Hudson. Every time we think we've explored that area fully, we find a new wrinkle. Tonight's was a marvelous path along the river, at a place called Nyack Beach State Park.
We listened to The Band on the ride home, and I missed Levon and Rick as I am inclined to do, then after everyone went to bed I dug deeper and watched an old Rhino Records video about the making of Big Pink and The Brown Album. It all brought up memories of following Levon around, years ago, when he had a blues outfit that played roadhouses & festivals in the area.
So many lifetimes ago, those nights ... sitting in the grass at The Black Potatoe Festival, driving home in an ice storm from The Stone Pony, and especially that gig right in Piermont where John Simon sat in and I had a hamburger on an english muffin for the first time. So many lifetimes ago, trapped in amber, between the notes of a blues progression at one am.
At the apex of what was a quiet, uneventful day in The Womb, E and I went out for a wander, a bit farther afield this time, through the towns of Piermont & Grandview On Hudson. Every time we think we've explored that area fully, we find a new wrinkle. Tonight's was a marvelous path along the river, at a place called Nyack Beach State Park.
We listened to The Band on the ride home, and I missed Levon and Rick as I am inclined to do, then after everyone went to bed I dug deeper and watched an old Rhino Records video about the making of Big Pink and The Brown Album. It all brought up memories of following Levon around, years ago, when he had a blues outfit that played roadhouses & festivals in the area.
So many lifetimes ago, those nights ... sitting in the grass at The Black Potatoe Festival, driving home in an ice storm from The Stone Pony, and especially that gig right in Piermont where John Simon sat in and I had a hamburger on an english muffin for the first time. So many lifetimes ago, trapped in amber, between the notes of a blues progression at one am.
June 9, 2013
Quiet Womb Time (Day 1 of 4) ...
As the title above suggests, I have spent most of the day up here, tending the fields as it were. I didn't get as much done empirically as I would have liked, but I did plant seeds, set intentions, so that the next three days would yield more concrete results. (As if poetry bows to my desire for results ... )
E and I did step out for about an hour as the sun was setting, driving to a few places around town to see the colours. We are fortunate to have so many lakes / slightly hidden scenic places so close to home.
I've been really good with regards to missing The Muse, who for one reason or another (I can think of three off the top of my head) has disappeared from my life. But on the drive home, there was a certain quality of light that sent my longing / melancholy meter through the roof. Damn it, I wish I could talk to her.
And with that cheery thought, a bit of reading, before I melt into the couch. Good night.
E and I did step out for about an hour as the sun was setting, driving to a few places around town to see the colours. We are fortunate to have so many lakes / slightly hidden scenic places so close to home.
I've been really good with regards to missing The Muse, who for one reason or another (I can think of three off the top of my head) has disappeared from my life. But on the drive home, there was a certain quality of light that sent my longing / melancholy meter through the roof. Damn it, I wish I could talk to her.
And with that cheery thought, a bit of reading, before I melt into the couch. Good night.
June 8, 2013
Gig Night ...
It was a gig night tonight, so I'm tired and my usual places are sore, so this will be brief.
Such a rainy day today! But it seemed to quiet the world down a bit. I spent most of my day up here, other than a quick trip out to get my brows done, and continued to let Swan Lake wash over me. Before my gig, E and Andrea invited Bug and I out for dinner at the local sushi place (where I eat flavorless chicken to be a mensch) and it was nice to connect with quiet, sad Andrea, who is so very kind, and who I wish were not so quiet and sad.
The gig was something a little different : it was the inaugural meeting of Beth Ann's Bhakti Club, which is a fancy was of saying kirtan discussion group. Of course, after all that discussing, it's a good idea to actually, y'know, do kirtan, which is where I come in. We played five tunes, and those who came out in the rain seemed to get a lot out of it, and then I stayed late to talk with one girl who I know who is having problems in her teacher training. No matter how hard I try not to be a mentor ...
Alright. Enough. Getting blinky. Quiet weekend on tap. Nice.
Good night.
Such a rainy day today! But it seemed to quiet the world down a bit. I spent most of my day up here, other than a quick trip out to get my brows done, and continued to let Swan Lake wash over me. Before my gig, E and Andrea invited Bug and I out for dinner at the local sushi place (where I eat flavorless chicken to be a mensch) and it was nice to connect with quiet, sad Andrea, who is so very kind, and who I wish were not so quiet and sad.
The gig was something a little different : it was the inaugural meeting of Beth Ann's Bhakti Club, which is a fancy was of saying kirtan discussion group. Of course, after all that discussing, it's a good idea to actually, y'know, do kirtan, which is where I come in. We played five tunes, and those who came out in the rain seemed to get a lot out of it, and then I stayed late to talk with one girl who I know who is having problems in her teacher training. No matter how hard I try not to be a mentor ...
Alright. Enough. Getting blinky. Quiet weekend on tap. Nice.
Good night.
June 7, 2013
A Day of Madness ...
It's been a day of madness. The good kind. From a morning of connect the dots (physics, Tao, ouroborous, Tree of Life) to an evening spent immersed in the dream world of ballet, I flooded myself with too much of good things. I am fine with the overload.
As I continue to work on Book Two, I am reminded of Grant Morrison's use of hypersigils in his masterpiece, The Invisibles. I am fleshing out several avatars of myself through my work, and I am reminded ... REMAKE REALITY! Who knew poetry could do such things?!?
There is so much I could try to say. Today was so expansive. But words? They might cheapen it. Better to roil and percolate and listen to Shostakovich and dream of the prima ballerina who stole my heart tonight. Ahhhh. The red hair and the fire in the eyes. Sometimes, it's all so very simple ...
As I continue to work on Book Two, I am reminded of Grant Morrison's use of hypersigils in his masterpiece, The Invisibles. I am fleshing out several avatars of myself through my work, and I am reminded ... REMAKE REALITY! Who knew poetry could do such things?!?
There is so much I could try to say. Today was so expansive. But words? They might cheapen it. Better to roil and percolate and listen to Shostakovich and dream of the prima ballerina who stole my heart tonight. Ahhhh. The red hair and the fire in the eyes. Sometimes, it's all so very simple ...
June 6, 2013
What Wednesdays At The Sea Are Made Of ...
Today was very simple. Breakfast. Arrived at Avon / Happy Cove. Set up the tent. Stayed all day. Rested. I cannot remember a more beautiful day at the sea in recent memory.
I am also happy to say that Bug read over the 70 or so pages of the work we put into Book Two earlier this week, and she really understood what I wrote, which is a real blessing. Two more sections to lay out next week, then it's home stretch for a (hopeful) August 1st release date. Wow.
Tired, but peaceful. Time for bed. Good night.
I am also happy to say that Bug read over the 70 or so pages of the work we put into Book Two earlier this week, and she really understood what I wrote, which is a real blessing. Two more sections to lay out next week, then it's home stretch for a (hopeful) August 1st release date. Wow.
Tired, but peaceful. Time for bed. Good night.
June 5, 2013
Changing Things Up ...
I never mean to take all this time off from writing. Never. I just seem to get so focused, and spend so much energy, on actually living my life that I fall asleep on the couch before I can write about it.
So today, right now, unceremoniously, I will change things up. Of course, today wasn't the most scintillating day, but one must begin where one is, I suppose.
The morning was spent with E, first at her college, lending support and clarity as she chose and committed to her first three classes, and then at the Apple store, gathering intel for a new machine for her.
The afternoon and evening were at home, spending time with Bug, talking on the phone with BA and Jason (whose book was finally released a few days ago) before putting in a second consecutive strong session working on my own book.
I will be filling in the blanks from this last month, a few days at a time. Life is subtly (and in some ways not so subtly) different since I've last written. I think you'll enjoy getting back up to speed with me.
Sorry, again, for being away. Glad to be back.
So today, right now, unceremoniously, I will change things up. Of course, today wasn't the most scintillating day, but one must begin where one is, I suppose.
The morning was spent with E, first at her college, lending support and clarity as she chose and committed to her first three classes, and then at the Apple store, gathering intel for a new machine for her.
The afternoon and evening were at home, spending time with Bug, talking on the phone with BA and Jason (whose book was finally released a few days ago) before putting in a second consecutive strong session working on my own book.
I will be filling in the blanks from this last month, a few days at a time. Life is subtly (and in some ways not so subtly) different since I've last written. I think you'll enjoy getting back up to speed with me.
Sorry, again, for being away. Glad to be back.
June 4, 2013
Dancing With My Poems ...
Today, more than anything else, was the day that my next book of poetry found its voice, the day that it became more than just a collection of files on my hard drive. Today, due to some deep digging and reformatting and ruthless editing on my part, it became a book. With not inconsiderable difficulty, I was able to secure the services of my publisher for a few hours, to layout the section I worked on all day, so I could see what it was going to look like on the page. To say I was encouraged would be an understatement.
And now, a sonnet or two from The Bard, then sleep. Good night.
And now, a sonnet or two from The Bard, then sleep. Good night.
June 3, 2013
Wanderlust & Pretzels ...
As promised, an afternoon of wanderlust (and pretzels) occurred. Greenwood Lake and the Arboretum and bits of rain. Utterly relaxing, 'twas lollygagging elevated to an artform.
When we got home, we watched The Doctor, as we tend to do. Now I am tired, and not disposed to writing a long blog entry. Good night.
When we got home, we watched The Doctor, as we tend to do. Now I am tired, and not disposed to writing a long blog entry. Good night.
June 2, 2013
A Dozen Year Mistake Undone ...
It's Sunday morning. It's 80 degrees in The Womb, with the AC units running, so here I sit at the kitchen table, ruminating.
Yesterday was an adult portion. A full on phenomenon. Up and pretty at 8am. In Princeton by 10am, in the name of science, and inspiration.
The Princeton Plasma Physics Lab was hosting an open house. I foolishly skipped the last one I was aware of, back in the Bucks County days, and have regretted it ever since. That's a dozen year mistake, folks.
Walking those halls, seeing all the laboratories and tech and ohhhh those beautiful machines, I saw and felt a whole other way to live, a whole other dimension, if you will. I wanted to stretch my brain, add new hours to each day, so that I could understand.
Yes, I am a poet and percussionist and photographer. Yes, I am a student of the Western mysteries. And I am happy to be all of those things. But why not a mathematician & a scientist as well?
Bug had some great insights on the matter as we had a late lunch after the lab visit. She advocated expanding my reading, working my way systematically through the various popular science and math texts on my shelves, maybe augmenting that with something like Khan Academy, and applying what I learn to my study of the Tablet & Stone.
This resonated. Tremendously.
After we ate, I glammed up and headed out to a gig with Beth Ann at a new location, an interfaith center / store a few towns over. It wasn't in the best neighborhood, but the vibe inside more than made up for that. The family who runs the place actually sought us out awhile back, and they were as kind as I'd hoped they'd be from our bits of communication and planning.
(I like this picture that someone took before the gig last night. Note the orange PPPL bag behind my drum ... )
The show wasn't as well attended as any of us had hoped, probably due to the archetypical summery weather that most people that aren't me seem to enjoy. But we played very well for the 20 or so people that were there, and ended up getting paid a fair amount as well. So one one mustn't complain.
Alright. As hot and potentially stormy as it is, I think we may go out for a bit of a wander. I'll write about it tonight if it happens.
Yesterday was an adult portion. A full on phenomenon. Up and pretty at 8am. In Princeton by 10am, in the name of science, and inspiration.
The Princeton Plasma Physics Lab was hosting an open house. I foolishly skipped the last one I was aware of, back in the Bucks County days, and have regretted it ever since. That's a dozen year mistake, folks.
Walking those halls, seeing all the laboratories and tech and ohhhh those beautiful machines, I saw and felt a whole other way to live, a whole other dimension, if you will. I wanted to stretch my brain, add new hours to each day, so that I could understand.
Yes, I am a poet and percussionist and photographer. Yes, I am a student of the Western mysteries. And I am happy to be all of those things. But why not a mathematician & a scientist as well?
Bug had some great insights on the matter as we had a late lunch after the lab visit. She advocated expanding my reading, working my way systematically through the various popular science and math texts on my shelves, maybe augmenting that with something like Khan Academy, and applying what I learn to my study of the Tablet & Stone.
This resonated. Tremendously.
After we ate, I glammed up and headed out to a gig with Beth Ann at a new location, an interfaith center / store a few towns over. It wasn't in the best neighborhood, but the vibe inside more than made up for that. The family who runs the place actually sought us out awhile back, and they were as kind as I'd hoped they'd be from our bits of communication and planning.
(I like this picture that someone took before the gig last night. Note the orange PPPL bag behind my drum ... )
The show wasn't as well attended as any of us had hoped, probably due to the archetypical summery weather that most people that aren't me seem to enjoy. But we played very well for the 20 or so people that were there, and ended up getting paid a fair amount as well. So one one mustn't complain.
Alright. As hot and potentially stormy as it is, I think we may go out for a bit of a wander. I'll write about it tonight if it happens.
June 1, 2013
An Un-Juicy, Tired Kid Entry ...
I shouldn't be up this late. I have an extremely full day tomorrow. But even just the thought of this site has me drooling. Ahhhh.
Anyway, today was gentle. Other than Womb time and Doctor time, the highlight was a lovely, brief rehearsal with BA this afternoon, ahead of our upcoming show.
Head lolling. Sorry this is so brief and un-juicy. Tomorrow will make up for it. Promise.
Anyway, today was gentle. Other than Womb time and Doctor time, the highlight was a lovely, brief rehearsal with BA this afternoon, ahead of our upcoming show.
Head lolling. Sorry this is so brief and un-juicy. Tomorrow will make up for it. Promise.
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