Today started out so promising. Three hours of quiet exploration, of actually being oddly comfortable in my own skin, remembering how deep and long of a story my curiosity about the Eastern mysteries is, and how they relate to my study of the Tablet & the Stone.
Then, as quickly as the uncertainty and vulnerability of the last three days had dissipated, it returned with a vengeance, in a fast moving storm of pitta / kapha differences. The acuteness of it was over in a few hours, but really, the tendrils lasted the rest of the day.
I want to be different for the people I love, gentler & easier to be around. At least I think I do. But is that just fear talking? I honor my instincts. I have to. But then it upsets people. And without a Muse to understand these things intuitively, these are the loneliest days.
A bit of reading, and then to the couch. I'll have to try again tomorrow.
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