Even when I have energy, even when every moment isn't a struggle to stay awake & focused & even remotely positive, a show night has a tendency to dominate the landscape of the entire day. I can't put myself in that floaty poetic space. I can't travel anywhere too far or interesting. As you might expect, I don't like these sorts of limitations.
E and I had a quiet, gentle morning before I took her to work. I went and got my nails done. (Tardis blue this week!) Spent the afternoon in The Womb doing mostly nothing. Before I knew it, it was 4pm, and I had to get ready to go to Jason's. (We rescheduled from yesterday to at least consolidate my schedule.) I wish I had more to tell him.
Sure, we talked about the renewal of the program at the 'Seed. (He was pleased, of course.) Sure, we talked about ballet, and his upcoming trip to Belize in January. But I had nothing for him. Maybe it's because it's summer and I am depleted. Or maybe as our relationship has changed to a more father / daughter thing, paying him $50 every two weeks to sit and talk is coming to a close ...
I went straight from Jason's to my gig at the Shala. Decent size crowd. Played well. Made a few bucks. BA came up and sang the Chalisa to end the evening. All in all a fine show. But just like with Jason, it felt tired. I felt tired. I always feel tired. I'm not making any proclamations. But my outer life is not making me happy. I wonder where that dissatisfaction will lead me.
E and J were asleep when I got home a little before 10pm. So I ate alone, and came up here, and I'm surprised I'm still awake. Time to remedy that, then.
No comments:
Post a Comment