I'm always grateful for The Muse. This goes without saying. But the text she just sent me, at almost one in the morning, just to tell me she was thinking of me, to thank me for existing and for sending her a song yesterday that she's listened to "over and over" ... dear god, can I even explain to you what that meant to me? To say she saved the day would be an understatement.
It's been a very bad day around here. Holidays are always a problem for me. Even holidays I don't have any affinity for bring up serious issues in this house. Loneliness for me, of course. For others, it's expectations & other old issues that come to the surface. I'm trying so intentionally to live a new kind of life, to serve my art and my studies. I just don't know what to do when this stuff intrudes.
Oh fuck it. I'm speaking in code in my own blog. Even on a day like today, I will not throw a loved one under the bus. Damn it. I'm too tired to create new worlds tonight. To bed, and my dreams, then. Good night.
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